Howdy!
So this week is terribly busy. I have back to back meetings, piles of homework, and a calculus test. I might as well drown myself now, right? Well once I wade through this muck of a week everything should start getting better again. I was so excited that our robot worked today in engineering. It made me proud of my life for once lol. Anyways I do not have much to add. I am still trying to cheer the guy up after the mess he almost got himself in. It would be so much easier if I could use my love for him as the reason why I care so much. Oh well.....
Anyways, Owl is growing on me. He is super sweet and we get along very well. I cannot wait to meet him one day. Maybe this will be my chance at a fun relationship.
Good night,
J
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
10-26-15
Howdy!
So it turns out I made an A on my Chem test! I was so excited. My grade in the Class is now a B and inching towards an A. Anyways. One negative bit of news. The guy posted about suicide on Instagram. So of course I messaged him about it. He is in a very dark place and having trouble getting out. I wish he would realize that he is an awesome person. It's hard to tell him all these good things about him and not tell him that I am in love with him too. But I am trying to help as a friend. I ask for some thoughts and prayers for him. On a positive note I met this cute guy we will call Owl. He is awesome. He's a senior in HS though but loves books and we have a lot in common. He only lives an hour away so I am planning a trip to visit him. Hopefully everything works out.
Swamped with homework,
J
Sunday, October 25, 2015
10-25-15
The weekend went great. I spent most it in the dorm alone since almost all of my friends and roommate were out of town. It wasn't a lonely time though. I got caught up on so many TV shows and found a couple new ones. Anyways. This week seems to be starting on a positive note, and I sure hope it stays that way. For the most part I have managed to block out and ignore the pain I still feel from the guy. Maybe. Just maybe. I'm starting to move on.
On a sour note, this guy from my hometown is being a little bitch. We were gonna hookup this summer but never had the chance and things disappeared. Now all of a sudden today he liked a shitload of Instagram pics of mine and then snap chatted me a lot. He even got jealous about me posting pictures of my best friend. I'm not in a relationship with the guy nor do I ever want to be. He doesn't understand this I don't think and needs to move on. Once again I am waiting to see how this new problem pans out.
J
Saturday, October 24, 2015
10-23-15
Hey.
So I was not able to post in the last two days because I have been binge studying for Chemistry. The test went pretty good yesterday. I am hoping for a solid B. Any ways the weather here is horrible and it is killing my allergies. The rain must have brought something in. In other good news, it looks like my life might be turning for the better. As the days pass, hopefully things will continue getting better.
J
So I was not able to post in the last two days because I have been binge studying for Chemistry. The test went pretty good yesterday. I am hoping for a solid B. Any ways the weather here is horrible and it is killing my allergies. The rain must have brought something in. In other good news, it looks like my life might be turning for the better. As the days pass, hopefully things will continue getting better.
J
Friday, October 23, 2015
Letter
So, the following is a letter of what I want to send to the guy. I more than likely never will, but if I were to send something, it would be this. The translation is at the bottom. If I were to send this I would send it in the variety of languages and leave it up to him to translate it.
Lo que quiero decir se puede decir en cualquier idioma, sin embargo, el significado nunca va a cambiar . Der Grund, warum ich immer den Rücken , weil ich mich in dich verliebt. Seit Wochen , die einzige Sache, ότι έχει περάσει από το μυαλό μου είσαι εσύ . Δεν υπάρχει κανένας άλλος θέλω να μιλήσω ούτε για να είναι μαζί. Είχα αρκετές seans a bheith le agus fiú hookup le daoine eile , ach ní féidir liom a dhéanamh sin mar gheall ar dtrasnaíonn tú suy nghĩ của tôi. Có gì hút là bạn đang thực hiện. Những ngày cuối tuần , tôi nhận ra rằng tôi đã rơi cho bạn, 당신은 남자 친구 를 발견했다. 그 이후 , 내 마음과 생활 이 조각 되어 있다. 나는 희망 언젠가 당신에게 zou op dezelfde manier over mij voelt en mij helpen de brokken te lijmen , maar ik voel dat ik hoop ибо много. Я просто придется довольствоваться с тем, что вы счастливы и медленно двигаться дальше. Haec eadem per omnium linguarum histriones , tamen aliquid dici manifestum volo . Hoc autem scito, quod non praeteribit .
What I want to tell you can be said in any language, yet the meaning will never change.
The reason I always have your back is because I fell in love with you. For weeks, the only thing that has crossed my mind is you. There is no one else I want to talk to nor be with. I have had several chances to be with and even hookup with other people, yet I can never do so because you cross my mind. What sucks is that you are taken. The weekend I realized that I had fallen for you, you found a boyfriend. Ever since, my heart and life have been in pieces. I hope that one day you might feel the same way about me and help me pick up the pieces, but I feel that I am hoping for to much. I will just have to be content with the fact that you are happy and slowly move on. This message is the same in all languages, yet it is not something I want to openly say. But know this, the meaning will never change.
Lo que quiero decir se puede decir en cualquier idioma, sin embargo, el significado nunca va a cambiar . Der Grund, warum ich immer den Rücken , weil ich mich in dich verliebt. Seit Wochen , die einzige Sache, ότι έχει περάσει από το μυαλό μου είσαι εσύ . Δεν υπάρχει κανένας άλλος θέλω να μιλήσω ούτε για να είναι μαζί. Είχα αρκετές seans a bheith le agus fiú hookup le daoine eile , ach ní féidir liom a dhéanamh sin mar gheall ar dtrasnaíonn tú suy nghĩ của tôi. Có gì hút là bạn đang thực hiện. Những ngày cuối tuần , tôi nhận ra rằng tôi đã rơi cho bạn, 당신은 남자 친구 를 발견했다. 그 이후 , 내 마음과 생활 이 조각 되어 있다. 나는 희망 언젠가 당신에게 zou op dezelfde manier over mij voelt en mij helpen de brokken te lijmen , maar ik voel dat ik hoop ибо много. Я просто придется довольствоваться с тем, что вы счастливы и медленно двигаться дальше. Haec eadem per omnium linguarum histriones , tamen aliquid dici manifestum volo . Hoc autem scito, quod non praeteribit .
What I want to tell you can be said in any language, yet the meaning will never change.
The reason I always have your back is because I fell in love with you. For weeks, the only thing that has crossed my mind is you. There is no one else I want to talk to nor be with. I have had several chances to be with and even hookup with other people, yet I can never do so because you cross my mind. What sucks is that you are taken. The weekend I realized that I had fallen for you, you found a boyfriend. Ever since, my heart and life have been in pieces. I hope that one day you might feel the same way about me and help me pick up the pieces, but I feel that I am hoping for to much. I will just have to be content with the fact that you are happy and slowly move on. This message is the same in all languages, yet it is not something I want to openly say. But know this, the meaning will never change.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
10-21-15
Howdy!
So today was not that horrible of a day. I enjoyed my Chem lab and had the chance to eat lunch with my new best friends. I only had two things that negatively affected me so the day could have been a lot worse, right?
The first one was I am on a type of probation for my University Scholarships. Because my Midterm grades were very low, I now have to attend one type of tutoring per week. This has its advantages because I know now of other ways to get help. It also showed me that I need to keep working hard to be successful. What hurt me is that it once again made me realize I am not as smart as I thought I was. College has taught me just how dumb I really am.
The second was that the guy messaged me. He basically dumped his problems and vented to me. This put me in a very awkward situation because he mentioned he has to move out because (I am making a guess) that his mom kicked him out. As a friend I have no idea how to handle this situation. You would think he would go to his all perfect and amazing boyfriend to talk about this not me, but of course as life hates me, it had to be me. Its hard enough to get over falling for this person and now he is calling out my emotional response. Maybe he is just using me, or maybe like he said he knows that I have his back. Which ever is the case the wound in my heart has been reopened as I think of what could have been and what I could do to help if I was in a relationship with him. I am just going to try and beat around the bush and let my heart heal up again and keep seeing where this takes me.
Till next time,
J
So today was not that horrible of a day. I enjoyed my Chem lab and had the chance to eat lunch with my new best friends. I only had two things that negatively affected me so the day could have been a lot worse, right?
The first one was I am on a type of probation for my University Scholarships. Because my Midterm grades were very low, I now have to attend one type of tutoring per week. This has its advantages because I know now of other ways to get help. It also showed me that I need to keep working hard to be successful. What hurt me is that it once again made me realize I am not as smart as I thought I was. College has taught me just how dumb I really am.
The second was that the guy messaged me. He basically dumped his problems and vented to me. This put me in a very awkward situation because he mentioned he has to move out because (I am making a guess) that his mom kicked him out. As a friend I have no idea how to handle this situation. You would think he would go to his all perfect and amazing boyfriend to talk about this not me, but of course as life hates me, it had to be me. Its hard enough to get over falling for this person and now he is calling out my emotional response. Maybe he is just using me, or maybe like he said he knows that I have his back. Which ever is the case the wound in my heart has been reopened as I think of what could have been and what I could do to help if I was in a relationship with him. I am just going to try and beat around the bush and let my heart heal up again and keep seeing where this takes me.
Till next time,
J
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
10-20-15
The world just got darker. My GPR right now is a 2.4. That would be a no for any chance at getting into engineering and goodbye to all my scholarships. It's the D in POLS that's killing me. My friend CC talked about the course and how the easiest professor is the one I have. Well it doesn't seem easy. I'm fighting and struggling for understanding but not much seems to help me. I don't know what to do. A friend said to learn the material by explaining it to someone so I am going to try that with CC. We will see how it goes.
There was a really cute guy today in a tutoring class I attended. He had this amazing body. His face was just wow. And overall was just so attractive. He wasn't like a muscle hunk or anything. But he just was very likable in my opinion. If only the heartbreak from the guy would disappear. Maybe it will but as of now nothing.
Until later,
J
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